Too Late To Apologize

Up till now most of my posts have been humorous and playful, but unfortunately not all of college can be so fun.

I came to college determined to be myself no matter who that may be.

I've known for pretty much my whole life that I'm bisexual, as in I like both men and women. I'm still not positive how much I really like girls, I find some attractive but I've never been in a relationship with one. I've tried to discard my feelings for girls and I've had many boyfriends. I actually have a boyfriend now as I mentioned in my first ever post. He knows this about me and he's very excepting, so excepting that he said he would be fine if I wanted to experiment with girls during college. I thought about it a bit when I left for school but once I got here I sort of forgot I was on the look out for a potential female mate. One day when Emily and I were scouring the hall for friends, I spotted a girl who was different from any girl I've ever known. She looked so beautiful without any effort, it was as if she was mother nature herself. We talked to her for a bit and I felt so drawn to her I just want to hug her and be her best friend. The more we hung out the more I realized I was really falling for this girl. Lets call her Pam. Pam had just gotten out of a relationship with a guy and there was no evidence to say she had any interest in girls, I began to become discouraged. How could there be absolutely no chance that someone I wanted to be with so bad, would never want me back. I began to feel really depressed every time Pam would say "Ew thats so gay haha!" even if it wasn't to me. The crush was obviously hopeless, I began to spend less and less time with her. The other weekend I went out with Pam, she was drunk (a regular occurence) and I wondered if she would possibly share thoughts that would give me hope that we could be together. Unfortunatly, She immediately found her current hook up and made out with him while texting her ex boyfriend all night. Her life was too full of boys, there was obviously no place for me.
The other night I went to her room while she was drinking again. She was so flirtatious, I couldn't remember the last time I felt so happy, or wanted to kiss anyone more. I held back and eventually she left me to go find her new boyfriend.

Later while talking to Emily I found out what she really thinks about me and my lifestyle, a fact I foolishly shared with her one night.
"How could you sleep in the same room as her? Aren't you afraid she's going to hook up with you?" Pam told Emily.

I WAS OUTRAGED! How could you even be so ignorant?! Heterosexual people don't like EVERYONE of the opposite sex, so why would I like EVERY girl? I don't.

I never realized that people could be so ignorant, and especially when it came to a person I really cared about.

I'm not sure if I'll ever try and be Pam's friend again, I don't think it's worth it.

Sorry if that was too depressing, but I had to get that out.