What I've Learned - Emily

While Bri is already home and working, I am still stuck in Athens, Ohio listening to a mix of Ingrid Michaelson and Sara Bareilles. I have officially packed everything up into boxes and bags, and cleaned everything but my desktop. I have no idea how the year went by so fast. Guys. I'm a one hour final away from finishing my freshman year. This is crazy.


Because I am the queen of lists, I guess I should write one more list before I sign off of nightlife. (And maybe start my own blog?)

These are the things I've learned as a freshman in college:

1. Princess bandaids fix everything.
2. If you walk into the bathroom barefoot... you might get cake on your feet.
3. One completely unexpected person will change your life.
4. Focus on one thing, conquer it, and refocus.
5. You will sleep through a very important alarm when it is three inches from your face if you are exhausted enough.
6. Do not go shopping at the market on your period.
7. Command hooks do not come off of anything without a fight.
8. Life can change in an instant.
9. Hard work will always pay off.
10. Dining hall food sucks the last two weeks of school.
11. Though people make fun of freshmen, they would give anything to be one again.
12. You will miss your family more than you think.
13. It is best to sip mixed drinks. Guzzling = Bad life choice.
14. Strange things will no longer shock you.


I'm starting to get a bit sentimental, so I'm going to stop the list at 14. Have a wonderful summer. 

Writer Chick-Bri

"Can I handle the seasons of my life?" Dixie Chicks is currently playing in my mind. I've realized it's my favorite music to ponder life to.

Today I think I've had another epiphany. I really want to teach, but now I've learned most of all I really want to learn from my kids. I cannot wait to step out of my own shoes and step into one of my children's. The best part of teaching is knowing the potential of each of your students to change the world one day.

First of all if you haven't, go right now and watch the movie "Freedom Writers". Second, I mention this because I saw the movie in theaters and was inspired by the bravery of each of the students to change. Today Erin Gruwell came to my University to speak. I find myself clinging to each word, hearing how grateful she was to have had her life changed by these students. I realized that is how teachers should teach, by learning from their students. Each student began to love learning by learning about things that they had an actually connection to. I got this same joy when I was asked to help with a shabbat service at my Hillel. I used to think reading from the torah wasn't very useful and sometimes believed judaism didn't connect to me. Once I really found a connection between me and the portion of the torah I was studying that week I fell in love. I could believe I was traveling the journey of the jewish people during passover. These ways of connecting are what make learning worthwhile.

Not only did Erin change my outlook and increase my excitement towards teaching, she was also an extremely nice human being. I bought her memoir, "Teach With Your Heart", and she spoke to me about how nervous she had been. She signed my book "follow your heart"...how perfect! She even took a picture with my friend and I!

I also remembered 500 Days of Summer is one of my favorite movies. Zooey Deschanel may have something to do with that...I mean look at her..

Also Emily and the gang lovingly silly stringed me. Thanks guys.

Epiphanies of a Queer Jewess

I've always wished I was super cool and trendy but blissfully unaware of how cool I really was. This is not the case. I assure you.

It's me ya'll!

However, I am learning who I am. This fact in itself is pretty darn cool. It's been a while since I've written so I'm going to have to back track a bit.


If winter quarter was april showers, then spring quarter is may flowers. In fact May has been a beyond amazing month so far, and we're only on the eighth day! During the beginning of spring I was feeling a bit down and I wanted to connect to something, someone, anything really. My BFF Katie convinced me to go to a Christian Bible study. (Just so we're clear, I've been raised jewish...bat mitzvah and all) I've always considered myself to be open minded and I believe being open minded means you try to give everything and everyone a chance. Bible study was very interesting and I'm glad I went because during it I looked inside myself and realized that I'm jewish through and through and christianity just wasn't for me.


The second time I realized this was when I decided to attend a Passover Seder at Hillel (aka the building where you can find all the jews on a college campus). There was a twist to this Seder, it was all women and followed a feminist format. HOW FREAKING COOL IS THAT!? It was amazing, so many powerful college jewish women gathered around a table reading about standing up for women and gay people and eating a vegetarian meal. I felt totally connected and in awe of the sacred beauty of two of my biggest spiritual connections, feminism and judaism.

Via Hella Gloire

This leads to my next epiphany. Chris. Chris blows my mind every I talk to her, she has expanded my world in unbelievable proportions. I met Chris last quarter, in where else but group therapy. (OH HEY YA'LL IF YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THE SHOW "BEING ERICA" PLEASE DO SO!) At the time we met I was in a lackluster relationship with Raymond, who I love dearly, but just not as a boyfriend anymore. I was also still mourning Kayla's jump back into the straight world. Chris had a girlfriend, but she made my stomach spin every time she opened her mouth during our sessions. There was something about Chris that I fell in love with the moment I laid eyes on her. Winter quarter ended and so did group, I was sad to leave for many reasons, but especially because I didn't know if I would see Chris again. We were friends on facebook and we began to message back and forth. Eventually we exchanged numbers and met up at an LGBT dance. She introduced me to all of her friends as her "friend Bri, who is just wonderful!". I think I fell asleep beaming. Her girlfriend and her broke up, Raymond and I broke up. We continued to talk and hang out, she drag me out of my dorm more than I'd ever left it before! We went to pride week events, International Film Festival movies together, she gave me books like Rubyfruit Jungle, I was amazed by her depth and maturity. Each time I saw her I never wanted to leave. Finally after last weekend when we met each other's mothers I knew I wanted to tell her how I felt. She felt the same, and the next day she kissed me.

Via Effindykes

Chris is a senior. She's graduating in three short weeks. I am trying to take things one step at a time and I don't want to fall in love again like I did with Kayla, but it's going to take all I have not to.


In the last month or so I've realized I'm totally a Queer Jewess, and I never want the month of May to end.

Via Effindykes

Periods for Dummies - Emily

This blog post is for all of the men out there who would like a snapshot of what a girl feels during her period, and how to handle it.

Many of you may not know, but a women's period begins when her last one ends. Most periods are 28 days from the first day of the started period. But for story telling purposes, I will begin on the last day of a women's period. (I will reference it as day one.)

Day 1: The best day of the month. Women generally celebrate with themselves at this time. Not only are we finished with what we like to call "period panties", but most of us are finished sticking large cotton bundles up our lady parts, and are absolutely finished with the diaper-esque feeling of a pad. 

Day 2: The second day is almost better than the first. This is the day women can actually wear the sexy, tight, light bottoms. This is also the day to NOT take a road trip. On the second through fourth days we are literally losing the pounds of water weight that our bodies love to collect. We will go to the bathroom more often and take even longer than usual. 

Day 3-14: These days are usually free of random mood swings, crying, or harm to you. BUT these are the days when you should hold on tight to your credit cards. Because we have lost all of the water weight, we now understand shopping is a possibility. *Women never shop during their period. Naturally, women are larger during that time of the month. We know this. So why go shopping when you are as big as a house? So instead we save the shopping for days 3-14.

Day 15-18: Throughout these few days, women begin counting... We understand we may only have a few days before complete irrational thoughts and actions drop a curtain over all our senses. 

Day 19-21: These days are the last few minutes of irrational behavior anyone will see for days. And this is when we are truly beautiful. Our skin looks phenomenal, our eyes are radiant, and our cheekbones are perfect. You may notice it too. This is when women walk by the mirror and stay there. My theory about this is, because women turn into demons in just a few hours after these days are over, we give men a last shot of beauty before aunt Flow comes out to play.

Day 22-24: Normal everyday days. We may begin to have cravings. If we do, please help us. This will make life a bit better later on down the road.


Day 25: Today is the start of a women's period. I can assure you now that there is NOTHING you can do to help the situation. If you get down on your knees and do whatever we say, it will still never be enough. There is always something that will still trigger the veil of insanity. The only tip I can give you is not to even think about uttering this phrase:

"It's okay! I understand what you are going through"

There is no way in hell you understand what I am going through right now. Not only are disgusting clumps of crap coming out of my vajaj, but I have to down a bottle of advil just to get rid of the edge of pain. You will never understand how disgusting we feel waking up in the morning. How we crave any kind of chocolate, or anything for that matter. How our bodies are so full of water that moving each leg feels like you have a sumo wrestler attached to each toe. You will never understand what it is like to stick a hard cardboard applicator with an even harder less absorbent cotton swab up my women parts. 


You will never understand how much PAIN we are in. In fact, take an atomic bomb, and put it in your stomach. Set it to explode 1 million times. Then take every joint in your body, and super glue them together. As all of this is going on, sit in a freezer, then a sauna, then a freezer, then a sauna, over and over again. THEN you can tape water balloons to your stomach, pectorals, and bum, after that, do not sleep for four days.


Then maybe, just maybe you will touch the amount of pain we are in every month. 




On days 25-28: These symptoms begin to vanish. Each and every women begins to see what she did wrong. But still do not argue with us. You will still be wrong. If the sky is blue, and we think it is orange; you are color blind. If we want to watch a chick-flick, and you put on a horror movie; the television will probably be on the floor. If you look at us, and we do not like it; you will sleep on the couch. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but that is the way it is. Until day one.


So, the lesson is, the next time you decide to compare getting your period to getting kicked in the balls, Be careful because a women might take you up on that offer.... and it will not be pretty. 

Spring Break - Emily

I know I have much to share with you all about how my spring break has gone. 


Then of course... a story!


A few things first (Reasons why I cannot wait to go back...)


1. I have no friends here. This is not meant for you to feel bad for me because I have a ton of friends at OU. I just do not have very many close friends in my home town. All of my OU friends live in various cities in Ohio, and I still cannot drive  on the freeway. 
2. The internet connection here goes out every SINGLE time the phone rings. While I do not have to sign into the internet every time I open up my laptop.... I cannot stand being kicked off the internet because of the stupid phone ringing. 


Second.. Some updates:


1. My boobs have grown since the beginning of college... I am now a 32ddd (Yes it is an actual size.) By the time I graduate from college, I know my boobs will be a 32ggg... I will resemble a real life barbie with brown hair. I am not Okay with this. 


2. Al has officially asked me to hang out with him twice throughout finals week and spring break. I have politely declined each time. I am sorry that I do not want to be with a womanizer. I was not even attracted to him in the first place, and he made no effort to communicate unless he wanted something.


3. I have now decided to move on to frat guys. Not because of the Sorority/frat thing, but because of Greek week. 

Greek week 2011 Here I come!

4. Bri and I have shown all of the people who thought we would not last as roommates that we do still love each other. SUCCESS. 

And... A story:

So I was standing in Temple volunteering so I could see many of my friends and my boss. Of course I was with Zack in the office standing as he made origami (what else do two college students do on a day off....) We were talking and having a good time, as we always do, when Daniel came in. 

**Side note. Daniel is maybe the most vile man I have ever met in my life. He used to have a rat's tail hair cut, takes pictures of how much he vomits after drinking, and has one of those "I-need-to-shave-but-I-Dont-have-enough-hair-to-shave" upper lip mustaches going on. He is relatively greasy, and tries constantly to be badass. He is NOT badass.**

But anyway. Daniel, who is way too touchy-feely for his own good, comes into the office and opens up his arms for a hug. I return his gesture with a quick pat on the back after he was clearly sticking his crotch forward. (1. Even if he were the last man on earth... there would be NO touching. 2. AT NO TIME will I EVER be that desperate. 3. EW.)

He continued to complain about how I give the worst hugs in the world (I think I can deal with that), and then left the office. I then kept talking to Zack because I was enjoying his company. 

**Side note. I like Zack. He is very sweet. He is clearly a brother to me. We hang out like brother and sister. And I treat him like a brother. TO ANYONE reading this, we are not Dating. That thought does not even cross our minds at all.**

Daniel returned to the office as Zack and I were arguing as usual, only to wrap his arms around me and give me yet another hug.

ONE IS ENOUGH. THANKS.

After this hug, Zack and I continued talking, while Daniel continued to hug me again and again. As I was getting ready to rip off every single solitary phalange with my bare hands, he placed his arms around my shoulders and said:

"Be NICE! This is my future Baby Mama!"

............WTF.......  

Yup. Thats my life...

Long Lost Love-Bri

I know they are out there. 
At least I'm fairly sure they are.


Have you ever believed in something? I mean not the kind of "I believed in Santa as a kid" but "I believe in creationism or evolution" kind of belief.


Well I believe with my whole entire heart that there is someone out there for me. I believe the love of my life is waiting with the same belief that I'm here for them.


I don't know why I think about this...obsess about this, but I have since I can remember. When I was younger I used to have dreams of finding a person like this, I felt better than I ever have in my entire life. I remember trying to skip school just to keep dreaming that wonderful dream.


I'm not sure why this is, or if I'm the only one who has such a strong desire for the perfect love. It kind of gets in the way of my life, so if you do I'm sorry! I've rejected so many people because I just don't feel that connection. I watch t.v. shows and movies and see people fake those connections so flawlessly, I wish I could fake as easily as them. 


I'm 20, I'm young, and for the first time in my life I don't know what I want...all I know is I want something.


I crave the feeling of looking after someone, yet I've never had someone to look after me. I've thought about looking on dating sites, I get advice like "put yourself out there" I've tried harder than anything to do this. I've tried losing weight, changing my hair, changing my clothes...people say "Bri, you are beautiful" If I'm beautiful, and so great, where are all the possible suitors. I see my friends get people like it's nothing...here I am lonely. 


At the moment I've decided to give Raymond another chance, but do I feel loved? Not really... Do I feel that connection I crave? Not really... I love him, but what kind of love is it? I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!


life.


Bri

Ohio University and Other Adventures- Emily

So I believe I am writing this in response to someone who just bad mouthed the college I attend on another blog. A girl down the hall, Jenny (Storyomyl.blogspot.com) decided to write a blog post about how much she loves Ohio University. A few days later, someone left a comment about how each degree from Ohio University is useless. I have a few things to say to this person:


1. Ohio University may be the number two party school, but we do not all WANT to push it to number one. The university has set up stricter rules about underage drinking, and the university police are always out patrolling streets. Every freshman needed to take this obnoxious course about the dangers of drinking. They are also raising the fine for drinking in the dorms, and the RA's are on top of the drinking inside the dorms. 


2. For you to judge a degree on where someone goes to school, is ridiculous, and you obviously do not deserve to be hiring people. I know my degree is worth just as much as the hard work I put into it. Just because my parents/I do not spend over $40,000 a year on tuition, does not mean I do not deserve the same opportunities as someone who slacked off at an Ivy League School. 


3. Ohio University is the number one school in student happiness. This means, Ohio University's students are happy with their education, living conditions, the way the university is run, and most importantly, their decision. 


4. The people at Ohio University are all amazing. The professors are phenomenal, the class sizes are smaller (I've had 6 at the least, 150 at the most), and the people you meet are amazing. The people I've met at Ohio University, whether they were my potential sorority sisters, or people living in the same dorm, everyone waves and smiles whenever you see them. Though there have been a few people I have problems with... I could not see myself anywhere else. 


Now... the Other Adventures!!!


So you should all remember Al. If you don't... He's the juggler.


We kinda split up after I found out about our friend having cancer. I went over to his dorm room, cried on his lap, and then Al and I were no more. This did not really bother me because I was not really attracted to Al. While he was a good friend, I could never really see anything with him. Because of this fact, everyone on our floor started to think it was hilarious when I saw him EVERYWHERE. 


So on Friday, I had to go to a dance concert for one of my classes (DO NOT TAKE FAR 150!). I went with a friend Bekah, and wound up meeting Jenny and other girls from our dorm. We were giggling and having a great time..... until Al walked down the isle. 


I really did not know what to make of this so I began to laugh hysterically. He was of course, with another girl, probably his newest fling. This did not bother me. 


Before I know it, he sat right behind me. I stared straight ahead completely helpless. Not only was this going to be the most awkward moment of my life, but it will be repeated forever. I continued to laugh, and the show began. While all of my friends were turning around staring at him and giggling, he did not suspect a thing.


** Side note** I was wearing a shirt with my name on it. My name is very rare, especially placed right under the name of my alma mater. I've worn my hair in the same style since I was four... So nothing was new with the back of my head. Lastly, my voice and accent are obnoxious. Honestly, I am a loud Clevelander with a squeaky voice. It is very recognizable. ** End Side Note **


After a long hour of creepy dancing and avoiding Al as much as I could, I leaned over to Becca to hear what she had to say. As soon as I turn my head slightly to the right....


Al: HEY...Punches my right shoulder...I did not see you there! How are you? Are you enjoying the show?


................................ What the hell.......................
Yup. Thats my life. 

End of Winter Quarter - Emily

This is really weird because I am writing this at two in the morning after drinking two cans of Coke and writing from 11:30 AM to 6:30 PM and then again from 12:00 AM to now. There are a couple of things I realized while sitting (alone) in the study lounge.


1. I really should be working on my paper.
2. Breaks from writing should NOT include more writing....
3. I have three more papers to write after this one...
4. And two tests to study for....
5. I literally do not have a social life.
6. I have not slept in over 20 hours.
7. Winter Quarter was the worst quarter of my life.
8. I can not wait to go home.
9. I kinda wish spring break was a bit longer.
10. .... And I have that review sheet to do....
11. Athens is pretty quiet for 2:30 in the morning.


I guess I am happy that Winter quarter is coming to a close. I can see Eliza, my family, and my dog. I can find what sleep is like again..... 


Well... I realize this is really short, but I know several people will KILL me if they know I was writing a lame blog post rather than writing a lame paper. 

Stickies - Emily

Bri and I have officially hit crazy rock bottom.....


Today, I decided to be a complete bitch and get the person who decided to cover the bathroom with instructional sticky notes back. While this may seem harmless, you should understand that we are surrounded by very PMSy girls and they are very vengeful. 


I walked into the bathroom armed with hot pink sticky notes and ideas galore... But before I could successfully complete my mission, Bri and I had to get rid of a girl.


Now this girl, Bella, is the LOUDEST most OBNOXIOUS girl in the world. She constantly screams in the middle of the hallway at the ass crack of dawn in the morning. It is disturbing. It is horrid. What makes me frustrated is that she has her OWN room around the corner. She and her friends could very well walk around the corner and sit on her spare bed and scream all they want. But they choose to CACKLE at ONE in the morning. 


So Bri and I quickly devised a plan. Bella was washing dishes at the dish washing sink. Bri and I took the last two stalls and began to execute our plan. 


Bri began talking about how she had the WORST diarrhea from the Chipotle she did not consume. Then The conversation continued like so:


Bri: Do you want to listen to some music?
Me: Sure!
Bri plays the weirdest spa music known to man kind. Why she has this music on her iPod... I have no idea, but it works.
Me: This is really good pooping music!
Bri: Do you want to hear better pooping music?
Me: SURE!
Bri: Ok! 
Bri then plays the WORST spa music known to man kind. This is hilarious. I start to giggle and pull up my pants...
Me: OH SHOOT! I forgot to put my pad on!
Bri: Thats okay I'm changing....


Bella then leaves the bathroom in a huff. I find this even more funny. 


My plan is now in action...
As soon as Bella left, I COVERED the bathroom with sticky notes saying "Don't forget to flush!" "It's okay to poop in this stall, everybody poops!" "You can only stand in this stall!" "Don't forget to wipe!" "You can hang your towels here!" And my personal favorite.... "Pee in here its dark!!!!"


This was amazing. Now for phase two... I have no idea what phase two is... but I will write about it.  

Lactose and Tolerant-Bri

Yes I do realize the correct statement is lactose intolerant, but a wee little Bri referred to 
her brother's dairy allergy as lactose and tolerant...if only that were the case.

You see folks, the jokes on me! All the years of making fun of the fact that my brother  

couldn't have the good chocolate milk, or spitting his gross soymilk all over the place, I have 

finally come to terms with the fact that I am lactose intolerant. Me...the dairitarian...the big 

cheese...the pro-milk...you get the picture. To me this disease (or rather not having a genetic 

mutation that allows me to digest lactase) is life threatening.

I've known I had the onset of lactose intolerance when I began getting terrible cramping 

stomach pains sometime last year. With all my ignorance with intolerance, I believed that 

this strange phenomena only occurred in young children and wrinkly fat old ladies. However, 

this assumption is entirely false (WARNING: NEVER LISTEN TO BRI'S ASSUMPTIONS 

THEY ALMOST ARE ALWAYS STUPID AND/OR WRONG).

"Em, it's going to be a long night...I ate mac and cheese and had sour cream on my fries.."

"BRI YOU'RE FREAKING LACTOSE INTOLERANT...WHY THE HELL ARE YOU EATING DAIRY?!?!?!"

"I'm hoping that if I ignore it, it'll just go away!"

So damn nieve, good thing I'm super adorable. But lemme tell you-thousands of trips to the 

bathroom in gut wrenching pain = not adorable at all. In fact, I became so incredibly used to 

these nightly after dinner detours I finished 100 levels of angry birds (and if you know me, 

then you know I only play angry birds whilst on the potty), have simply become part of my 

routine!

I have now decided that the fact my stomach always appears bloated 

eventhoughitrecievesacleansingclosetotheintensityofNiagrafallseachnight is due to the fact 

that I continue to eat dairy. Therefore, I have promised to discontinue my use of dairy in the 

hopes I will not reach level 209,399,203 in Angry Birds...and also to return to my skinny-jean-

wearing self!

Happy Eating!

Never Wear Bare Feet in the Rain - Emily & Bri

Emily:

It was 8:45 PM as I walked back from Chapter from one of the farthest buildings from my dorm room. It was raining cats and dogs, when I decided to take off my leather based sandals. I understood that water and leather do not go well together, so I decided to spare my shoes and risk stepping on several rocks, and stubbing my toes.

At about 9:00 PM My feet were okay until I stepped on some glass. At this time I just believed it was a rock, stuck on my foot, and I pulled it out. 

At 9:05 PM I kept walking the few yards to my dorm. I went up the stairs and reached my friends room. At this time, one girl from my hall said "Uhh... I think you are bleeding...."

9:10 PM At this time I looked down at my foot, and the puddle of blood in my friends room. I then hobbled to the bathroom giving instructions to each of my friends. Then Bri comes in....

Bri:

9:05 P.M- My hall council meeting gets out and we walk to the stair well. I'm in the back of the group but I hear people gasping. 

    
      Jenna- There is blood all over the steps!!

      Me- WHAT?? Shannon, SNIFF IT! (I didn't think she actually would)

      Shannon- (actually would) It doesn't smell like blood...and it kind of looks like jell-o...

9:08 P.M- We realize the blood goes all the way up to stairs, at which point we get the dorm administrators to call cleaners. We then proceed up the stairs following the blood to the third floor door.

    
         Jenna- It goes down the third floor hallway!! (aka our hallway)

9:09 P.M.-  I spot a girl coming from the bathroom.
      
        Me- Uhmm, do you know where these red foot prints came from??
        Girl- Yeah, your roommate's in the bathroom, she cut her foot.
Oh good lord. It would be em leaving behind a crime scene for me to follow. I begin to think there had been a lot of blood...I immediately take off in a panicked run to the bathroom.
         Me-EMMMMM!!! ARE YOU OKAY!!!




          This is where our stories intertwine. Emily is sitting in the shower area of the dorm's communal restroom surrounded by piles of bloodied tissues, clorox cleaning wipes, and rubber gloves.
        
        Em- I'm fine! I just stepped on some glass when I was walking home, no big deal...mom says as              long as the bleeding stopped I'm fine!
        
       Me- Okay, just let me look at the cut (after all I've been a lifeguard for five years now).


It was deep, but not super deep, and it didn't look as thought there was any glass inside of it. She seemed slightly in shock but other than that she seemed fine. Although the incident scared both of us...one tetanus shot later it was over!


Moral of this story...NEVER WEAR BARE FEET IN THE RAIN!

You Have Entered the WAR ZONE - Emily

I have to admit, the start of winter quarter was a tough one. Not only did someone urinate on Bri's bed at the ass crack of dawn in the morning... but Bri and I have been having some problems. I admit, I was wrong during many of these arguments and I apologize about anything I may have said or thought through these moments. Not only has this quarter been rough socially, but I have had the WORST writer's block EVER. I have not been able to write anything for pleasure, blog about anything, and I am procrastinating in writing my ten to fifteen page paper due in about two weeks. But this week. Everything has turned around.

First... Bri and I rearranged the room. My bed is now lofted, and Bri's bed and desk are under my lofted bed. While the process was very difficult - my bed wound up in the hallway at one point - we laughed. A LOT.

Second.... it has been monsooning all week. Not even kidding. We have been under a flood warning for the past three days. Yet- Class has yet to be cancelled. 

Last... The war has continued. 

Bri and I started this Febreze and Shower war at the start of Winter quarter. 

Part I. The more Febreze your opponent is covered in at the end of their trip to drop the kids off at the pool, the more the other person wins.

Part II. The goal of the shower war is to terrify your victim half to death by ripping the curtain to one side quickly and silently. The more scared your victim is, the funnier the game becomes. Also, the more unsuspecting your victim is, the better.

Today, I decided to return fire. While Bri was peeing.... I was under the assumption she was making a BM because the whole bathroom was talking about dropping a load ... I filled the whole bathroom with Febreze. She yelled, and I giggled. Second, I tiptoed into the shower area and grabbed the shower curtain to scare the living daylights out of Bri. While I was excited, I am fairly terrified of when I take a shower sometime next week. I know its coming. So now I am devising a plan to get her back. 

If Life Gives You Lemons, Eat Them and Say People's Names

Here are some valuable things I've learned this quarter...


1) Em and I still love Smartfood White Cheddar Popcorn...I'm honestly surprised I don't poop white...
2) Em secretly grows horns and turns into the spawn of satan when she gets her period... :P
3) When boys talk to you, they only want sex, if you don't/can't give it to them...they stop talking to you.
4) Taking care of someone when they're sick only gets you called mom...not laid...
5) An ex-boyfriends arm's are the most comfortable thing to fall into...
6) I could be on "True Life: I'm addicted to playing angry birds while pooping"
7) The commercials when the people talk about autism effecting closer and closer aspects of their lives reminds me of how I feel about strange facial hair....The guy sitting next to me at dinner is close enough!
8) I love twinkle lights...even when it's not winter...
9) I'm done believing in perfect matches
10) I really wish I were more fashionable...
11) I like apple flavored anything!
12) I GET NAKED ALL THE TIME!


This I will elaborate on. Around a fort night ago I took two Tylenol PM and decided to run into my friend's room. This is all good, but then all of the sudden I hazily decide to take off ALL OF MY CLOTHES. Excuse me??!! What was I doing? I honestly don't know. THEN I start to do naked yoga! and some of my friends joined me...clothed....I think this describes the point I've gotten to in my life. Yum.

Now if you excuse me, I need to go eat smartpopcorn while playing angry birds before I talk to my ex Raymond, who is now not my ex anymore...oops...
Anddd take some Tylenol PM

Winter Quarter- Bri

"For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen"


These particular lyrics, from the song "The Freshmen" by The Verve Pipe, come to mind when I think about winter quarter.


I faintly remember fall quarter being cautioned of the woes of winter quarter. Somehow, during fall I felt infallible and that big bad winter quarter could not tackle the amazing college experience I was having. Boy was I wrong.


Winter quarter began with the "Mysterious Incident of the Piss in the Nighttime". A traumatic event no doubt, but yet it continued to get worse. Em and I began getting on each other's last nerves. A particular incident with our bean bag nearly cost me my shin as well as my sanity. Lets just say I was through with winter quarter before it even began.


I also began to realize the classes I was taking winter quarter SUCKED ASS! excuse my french. They all involved math (which I cannot do to save my life) and none of my teachers took attendance. This meant winter quarter began with a lot of skipping classes to sleep. It reminded me of my junior year of high school, except that was much better because I would go have sex in my car instead of sleep so I could stop crying.


I realize this is all sounding quite "emotional (aka emo)" and depressing, and so I wish I could turn around and talk about meeting some amazing person, or having the most funny party...but I can't. In fact things only got worse...MUCH worse.


It started out as a stomach ache, which lead to an unexpected but seemingly routine hospital visit, then January 26, 2011 my dear friend Kyle was diagnosed with cancer. 

Nineteen years old...the tears came before I realized what was happening. Nineteen years old...I thought about his girlfriend and one of my best friends Leah. Nineteen years old...and caught up in the fight of his life.


For days straight I listened to a list of songs that I listen to in order to tell myself people have been through things like this before. 


1. Heard the World- OAR
2. Last Kiss- Pearl Jam
3. Jumper- Third Eye Blind
4. Someday- Brett Dennen
5. Traveling Soldier- Dixie Chicks

This unraveled all of our friends in the WTF group. Each of us twisting and turning in our own different and sometimes strange ways.  We wanted to be mad at something...there was no way to comprehend how something like this could happen. We ended up mad at each other. I was away from home, stressed with school, a sick friend, and no support. This was probably the hardest time in my life, I'm honestly not sure how I made it through and I think I'm still not completely through it.


There was a few weeks that went by numbly. We cried, we got wasted, and we tried to forget.


Now the quarter is almost over, three weeks left to be exact. Kyle is back home still fighting, but fighting hard and strong! I've been trying to find the happiness that has left me winter quarter, and it's slowly coming back.


I've come to a point in my life that I realize life is short, and yes you should do what you love, but you should also do what is going to make the most sense. I've felt like I've just been dilly dallying my time in journalism, and I don't feel like working very hard at it to make it above all the rest. How is that for honesty?


My solution? Education. I love children, LOVE THEM! I used to pretend teach my younger brothers all the time. I'm stressed and I hope this quarter will just be over.


I'm sorry this wasn't a funny one, I'm hoping there will be some good funny times to come!

The Mysterious Incident of the Piss In the Nighttime

The only way to describe my wake up call is through a sequence of events.


5:15 a.m.- I am awoken by a strange noise. I rub my eyes to find someone stumbling around the room, at first I think it is Em who had an interesting night and spoke of sleeping on the bean bag. Then I think it is our friend and neighbor Karly come to show me something. This person, or girl rather, then sits stumbles her way to sitting on my bed right next to me. It isn't until that point that I see this girl has her pants/panties pulled down.


"EXCUSE ME! YOU ARE ON MY BED!" "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"


5:17 a.m.- I begin to hear a strange trickling noise. HOLY SHIT! This strange girl is now peeing....on my bed! Right next to me!!! I am paralyzed by shock I cannot move, she is not listening to me, all I can do is...


"EM!?" "DO YOU HEAR THAT" "A RANDOM GIRL IS IN OUR ROOM" "SHE IS PEEING ON MY BED!!!!"

5:17:30 a.m- Em Jumps off of her bed in such quickness, the likes of which I have never expected from her. She runs up and stands in front of the girl (who has by now gotten off of my bed and pulled her pants up, at least she has that decency)


"HELLO?!" Em stares at her.
"Hi" Says this girl in a neanderthal-esque voice.
 Em suddenly takes a new tone now that she is finally responding "Sweetie, where are you supposed to be?"
No response.
I'm thinking that this girl may puke, why not she just pissed in here? So I quickly tell Em to please get this girl out of our room before she can do anymore damage. Em rushes to the door as the extremely disoriented girl stumbles about the room some more (stepping in her own urine and tracking it on the carpet). The door steps out through the open door way, and closes the door behind herself.


5:18 a.m.- As Em and I stare at each other in awe we see the same girl walk down the hall in a different direction that she left in. Em goes to follow her to make sure she is okay, but the girl walks out a door leading to the outside stairwell.


"Well thats what we get the one night we don't lock our door..." I say.
I begin to laugh frantically, in uncontrollable boughts of giggles.
"A girl just pissed on my bed...did that really just happen"
Honestly this all just felt like a really weird vivid bad dream. Nope, it really happened.


5:20 a.m- Em and I stare at the puddle below my bed, and the large damp spot on my sheet. For a second I think Em is going to cry. Then she looks at me and we both break into laughter. This is just too unbelievable for words.


"What do we do now?"


"She peed on my book!?"


"She peed on my computer/cord!!"


"She peed on my water bottle...Em you are getting me a new one"


Then in unison "SHE PEED ON THE CRASH MAT!" Damn. Thats low.


5:30 a.m.-We talked about maybe throwing down a shit ton of lysol wipes and throwing down a bunch of paper towels, but we decided that might take too long. We were left with the option of waking up our RA at 5:30 in morning. We love our RA to death so waking her up unexpectedly wasn't really our favorite idea, we decided to make sure that RA was in fact the one on duty.


5:50 a.m.-We figured out that our RA was the one to go to. We knocked oh her door until she answered, she was swollen with sleep.


"Uh Jay we had a...uh...incident a little while ago..."
"Yeah a chick pissed on her bed!!!"


6 a.m-Jay figured the only thing to do was wait till 7a.m. to call maintenance. Em and I thanked her and watched her go back to her room.


6:05 a.m.- Em and I hear a knock on the door...I'm expecting piss girl, but instead it's Jay. She inadvertently locked herself out when she came to see the damage.  


6:05-7:05- Em, Jay and I spend an hour laughing at our situation and the fact that it's 6am on a saturday morning.


7:05- We hear the jangling of keys, meaning one thing SOMEONE IS GOING TO CLEAN THE PEE OFF OF OUR FLOOR! 


8:00- There is no way to go to bed still because I still have to wash my sheets, so I sit and write this blog.


9:30 a.m.- I find the girl on Facebook and realize she is a sister of a girl Mel down the hall from us. We see Mel's roommate and inform her of the events of the night before (this is while emily is scrubbing the life out of our pee drenched carpet)


10:00 a.m.- The girl finds us and apologizes, she says she was sleep-walking and that she has a disorder. She seemed genuinely embarrassed about it.  All is well


Obviously this night will follow me for years to come. I'm sure Em will mention it at my wedding someday. Lovely.


Oh and on a side note- Bad things happen to me in threes, because after this incident I ran into a crush on mine and spilled milk all over myself. Later I was washing the dirty pee sheets and Kayla's college tour came through the laundry room...AKWARD!