This blog post is for all of the men out there who would like a snapshot of what a girl feels during her period, and how to handle it.
Many of you may not know, but a women's period begins when her last one ends. Most periods are 28 days from the first day of the started period. But for story telling purposes, I will begin on the last day of a women's period. (I will reference it as day one.)
Day 1: The best day of the month. Women generally celebrate with themselves at this time. Not only are we finished with what we like to call "period panties", but most of us are finished sticking large cotton bundles up our lady parts, and are absolutely finished with the diaper-esque feeling of a pad.
Day 2: The second day is almost better than the first. This is the day women can actually wear the sexy, tight, light bottoms. This is also the day to NOT take a road trip. On the second through fourth days we are literally losing the pounds of water weight that our bodies love to collect. We will go to the bathroom more often and take even longer than usual.
Day 3-14: These days are usually free of random mood swings, crying, or harm to you. BUT these are the days when you should hold on tight to your credit cards. Because we have lost all of the water weight, we now understand shopping is a possibility. *Women never shop during their period. Naturally, women are larger during that time of the month. We know this. So why go shopping when you are as big as a house? So instead we save the shopping for days 3-14.
Day 15-18: Throughout these few days, women begin counting... We understand we may only have a few days before complete irrational thoughts and actions drop a curtain over all our senses.
Day 19-21: These days are the last few minutes of irrational behavior anyone will see for days. And this is when we are truly beautiful. Our skin looks phenomenal, our eyes are radiant, and our cheekbones are perfect. You may notice it too. This is when women walk by the mirror and stay there. My theory about this is, because women turn into demons in just a few hours after these days are over, we give men a last shot of beauty before aunt Flow comes out to play.
Day 22-24: Normal everyday days. We may begin to have cravings. If we do, please help us. This will make life a bit better later on down the road.
Day 25: Today is the start of a women's period. I can assure you now that there is NOTHING you can do to help the situation. If you get down on your knees and do whatever we say, it will still never be enough. There is always something that will still trigger the veil of insanity. The only tip I can give you is not to even think about uttering this phrase:
Day 25: Today is the start of a women's period. I can assure you now that there is NOTHING you can do to help the situation. If you get down on your knees and do whatever we say, it will still never be enough. There is always something that will still trigger the veil of insanity. The only tip I can give you is not to even think about uttering this phrase:
"It's okay! I understand what you are going through"
There is no way in hell you understand what I am going through right now. Not only are disgusting clumps of crap coming out of my vajaj, but I have to down a bottle of advil just to get rid of the edge of pain. You will never understand how disgusting we feel waking up in the morning. How we crave any kind of chocolate, or anything for that matter. How our bodies are so full of water that moving each leg feels like you have a sumo wrestler attached to each toe. You will never understand what it is like to stick a hard cardboard applicator with an even harder less absorbent cotton swab up my women parts.
You will never understand how much PAIN we are in. In fact, take an atomic bomb, and put it in your stomach. Set it to explode 1 million times. Then take every joint in your body, and super glue them together. As all of this is going on, sit in a freezer, then a sauna, then a freezer, then a sauna, over and over again. THEN you can tape water balloons to your stomach, pectorals, and bum, after that, do not sleep for four days.
Then maybe, just maybe you will touch the amount of pain we are in every month.
On days 25-28: These symptoms begin to vanish. Each and every women begins to see what she did wrong. But still do not argue with us. You will still be wrong. If the sky is blue, and we think it is orange; you are color blind. If we want to watch a chick-flick, and you put on a horror movie; the television will probably be on the floor. If you look at us, and we do not like it; you will sleep on the couch. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but that is the way it is. Until day one.
So, the lesson is, the next time you decide to compare getting your period to getting kicked in the balls, Be careful because a women might take you up on that offer.... and it will not be pretty.
You will never understand how much PAIN we are in. In fact, take an atomic bomb, and put it in your stomach. Set it to explode 1 million times. Then take every joint in your body, and super glue them together. As all of this is going on, sit in a freezer, then a sauna, then a freezer, then a sauna, over and over again. THEN you can tape water balloons to your stomach, pectorals, and bum, after that, do not sleep for four days.
Then maybe, just maybe you will touch the amount of pain we are in every month.
On days 25-28: These symptoms begin to vanish. Each and every women begins to see what she did wrong. But still do not argue with us. You will still be wrong. If the sky is blue, and we think it is orange; you are color blind. If we want to watch a chick-flick, and you put on a horror movie; the television will probably be on the floor. If you look at us, and we do not like it; you will sleep on the couch. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but that is the way it is. Until day one.
So, the lesson is, the next time you decide to compare getting your period to getting kicked in the balls, Be careful because a women might take you up on that offer.... and it will not be pretty.
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