Lactose and Tolerant-Bri

Yes I do realize the correct statement is lactose intolerant, but a wee little Bri referred to 
her brother's dairy allergy as lactose and tolerant...if only that were the case.

You see folks, the jokes on me! All the years of making fun of the fact that my brother  

couldn't have the good chocolate milk, or spitting his gross soymilk all over the place, I have 

finally come to terms with the fact that I am lactose intolerant. Me...the dairitarian...the big 

cheese...the pro-milk...you get the picture. To me this disease (or rather not having a genetic 

mutation that allows me to digest lactase) is life threatening.

I've known I had the onset of lactose intolerance when I began getting terrible cramping 

stomach pains sometime last year. With all my ignorance with intolerance, I believed that 

this strange phenomena only occurred in young children and wrinkly fat old ladies. However, 

this assumption is entirely false (WARNING: NEVER LISTEN TO BRI'S ASSUMPTIONS 

THEY ALMOST ARE ALWAYS STUPID AND/OR WRONG).

"Em, it's going to be a long night...I ate mac and cheese and had sour cream on my fries.."

"BRI YOU'RE FREAKING LACTOSE INTOLERANT...WHY THE HELL ARE YOU EATING DAIRY?!?!?!"

"I'm hoping that if I ignore it, it'll just go away!"

So damn nieve, good thing I'm super adorable. But lemme tell you-thousands of trips to the 

bathroom in gut wrenching pain = not adorable at all. In fact, I became so incredibly used to 

these nightly after dinner detours I finished 100 levels of angry birds (and if you know me, 

then you know I only play angry birds whilst on the potty), have simply become part of my 

routine!

I have now decided that the fact my stomach always appears bloated 

eventhoughitrecievesacleansingclosetotheintensityofNiagrafallseachnight is due to the fact 

that I continue to eat dairy. Therefore, I have promised to discontinue my use of dairy in the 

hopes I will not reach level 209,399,203 in Angry Birds...and also to return to my skinny-jean-

wearing self!

Happy Eating!