Guest Post - Eliza

Hello, Nightlife Readers, whoever you are! I am Eliza, and Emily is my better half. She invited me to do a guest post, and the at first, I couldn't decide what to post about, but recent circumstances have led me to the perfect topic:

Christmas Shopping.

Yes, I know that this is supposed to be the "most wonderful time of the year." And I'm not trying to be cynical about the holidays, but there are some things that are stressful. 

My mom, for example. I love her to death. My sister, my mom and I are all extremely close. However, my mom is a jokester. She likes to be snarky and sarcastic. I asked her what she wanted for Christmas, and her response?

"Stricter punishment for parole violaters. And... World Peace!"
Yes. She quoted Miss Congeniality. What am I supposed to do with that? 

When I pressured my darling 17 year old sister whom I love so very much about what she wanted, her response was "I like clothes and shoes. Size medium, and 7.5."

Thanks, sis. I'll get right on that. You're picky and hard to please when it comes to clothing and shoes, so this will be a snap. 
(I found a good gift for her at Target, but I won't spill here.)

Now to Andrew, my brother, age 25. He wants a gift card so he can go get a manicure. Easy peasy lemon squeezy, but I got him a giftcard last year. I'd rather get him something more personal... but we'll see.

Andrew says that his boyfriend Stephan loves plants. Plants? Plants seem like a weird thing to get someone for Christmas... Was he sure? Andrew said yes, yes get Stephan a nice plant! I am still hesitant, because I really like Stephan, and I don't want him to think that I didn't get him something personal or cheap... but ok, I'll get Stephan a plant or two.

(I found 2 very intriguing varieties at a local florist. Andrew assured me that Stephan will LOVE them, they are sexy, and will look great by their large bay window. I am still unsure, but I have confidence in my brother.)

My dad told me to get my future stepmom clear nail polish and bubble bath, because that is what she wants. Hmmmm. I am not sure how comfortable I am buying bubble bath for her. Can I stick to a book or something? You're really making me feel uncomfortable... No? No books? Alright... bubble bath it is. (I am shuddering internally.)

Family, I love you. And I love finding things for you (in retrospect). Can I ask one favor though? Next year, can you please give me straightforward ideas? Or at least come to me in a dream or something with an idea of that ever-elusive "perfect gift?"

I'd really appreciate it. 

Peace, love, and patience to all you blog-readers for this holiday season!

Why Is This My Life? - Emily

So true story... I've been hanging out with Al over winter break. He is actually really nice. I never thought we would be friends... But here we are about 2 months later and we enjoy each other's company. This blog post is not really about him...though it may seem that way in the beginning. This post is about how dumb some comments/situations can be....


One day I went to visit Al and here is how the scene unraveled: 


Emily walks into Al's house, kisses and pets the dog. Al meets her at the door. There is a quick embrace. Then conversation ensues. 


AL: Are you allergic to dogs?
EMILY THINKS TO HERSELF: Uh. I just rubbed my face in your dog's fir and I'm deathly allergic to dogs...
EMILY: No, But I am allergic to cats.


Al thinks for a moment. 


AL: Seriously?
EMILY THINKS TO HERSELF: No! I was just shitting you... I just wanted to see your face when I said it!
EMILY: Yes.


Slight Pause. 


AL: So What should I do?
EMILY THINKS TO HERSELF: Put the cats up to my face. PLEASE! I'm begging you.
EMILY: As long as I don't touch them... I'll be ok. I promise.


AL: Well... there's one good thing about all of this! My room is the only place in the house the cats cannot go!
EMILY THINKS TO HERSELF: Oh my god! Does it look like I care very much. Just don't let your cats touch me!

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Basically, this is not the only time I've had to deal with difficult people. Take Last month for example:


I received an apology letter from Tyler last month. I am going line by line correcting grammar and such. Because you should at least reread something you believe is so important. The statements in all capital letters are my responses, the bold is the corrected sentence.




I don’t expect you to response to this or,to be quite honest with you, read it at all. 
Honestly, I don't expect you to respond or read this.
BECAUSE YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE? BECAUSE YOU BROKE MY HEART, OR BECAUSE THIS GRAMMAR WILL BREAK MY HEART?


However, I felt that I just needed to get this off my chest. 
But, I just needed to get this off my chest.
NO COMMENT...


We haven’t talked in a while and I know that it is 100% my fault. 
DUH... OTHER THAN THE FACT THAT IF YOU EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT TALKING TO ME...


I guess I just wanted to let you know that I am still terrible sorry for what happened. 
I guess I just wanted to let you know that I am still terribly sorry for what happened.
YOU ARE TERRIBLE SORRY? I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THAT BEFORE. I AM TERRIBLE SORRY FOR YOUR GRAMMAR, AND YOUR PAST ENGLISH TEACHERS.


I would love to be able to be friends with you and be able to talk again. 
I want to be friends and talk again.
HAHA. FRIENDSHIP OVER ASSHOLE. 


However, I understand that, that may not be possible.  
However, I understand that it may not be possible.
YOU'RE RIGHT ON THAT ONE. I ACTUALLY COULD LIVE WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE FOREVER AND NEVER SHED A TEAR.


I made a huge mistake and I admit it I fucked up real bad and there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about how much of an asshole I was and how bad I feel about it. 
I know I made a huge mistake and I really fucked up. There isn't a day when I don't think about how much of an asshole I was.
UHHHH...RUN ON SENTENCE. THIS SENTENCE MAKES ME WANT TO RUN AWAY FROM YOU.


I never intended on hurting you and I am still sorry for what I did. 
It was not my intention to hurt you, and I am still more than sorry for what happened.
YA. SURE. THEN WHY DID YOU DO IT? WHY DID I CRY? 


It was not fair, nice, or necessary in anyway what so ever. 
My treatment of you was not fair, nice, or necessary.
RIGHT.... THEN WHY'D YOU DO IT?


I hate not being able to be friends with you. 
I hate not being friends with you.
YOU KINDA FUCKED YOURSELF OVER THEN....


Then again, I bought it upon myself. 
But, then again, I brought this upon myself.
YOU BOUGHT IT UPON YOURSELF? WELL I'D WANT TO RETURN THIS PURCHASE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. BUT DONT FORGET THE RECEIPT! 


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Lastly, though I love my brother to pieces, sometimes he makes me want to smash his skull into a concrete wall. Lets take a few nights ago....


Because it was my birthday, I was treated to some sips of beer with my dinner. While I know from experience, that I can hold my liquor very well, my brother took a sip and continued to act like he was drunk the whole entire night. 


He swayed as he walked around the dog, tried to force me into thinking he was drunk, and he even took a shower at three in the morning. 


He was convinced he was drunk. Mind you, he is 160 pounds, to my 120 pounds. He is also full from a pasta dinner. 


Also I gave him a sip of the glass without beer in it. 


Why is this my life?

Trip TO Florida! - Emily

So I guess the blog has joined the mile high club since I am more then a mile in the air. I am on my way to the beautiful, breathtaking Florida. I am very excited to leave the bone chilling 32 degree weather for the nice hot and humid temperature of.... *drum roll* .... 50 degrees. FAHRENHEIT! Now don't get me wrong, I am more than excited to leave Cleveland for three days and have my grandparents spoil me rotten, but would it hurt to sit me next to a tragically beautiful man? Not that this lovely man who I have not said a word to this whole flight isn't wonderful.....


I guess I am going to finish this post with the fact that I hate the "no joke zone" rules. While I like to think of myself as a hilarious young lady, I am sure even MY jokes would not be permitted during a high security checkpoint. Instead of getting myself in trouble, I have decided to list the awful jokes I would have made while waiting in line for inspection.


1. As I passed through the metal detector, I wanted to look up at the guy and ask, "well... Did I pass?"




2. There were two TSA workers with the name Elliott... Are all TSA workers named Elliott?


3. Lastly, I'd like to thank TSA for taking every one's nail clippers. I was really nervous about her giving the pilot a manicure. Really.