The Mysterious Incident of the Piss In the Nighttime

The only way to describe my wake up call is through a sequence of events.


5:15 a.m.- I am awoken by a strange noise. I rub my eyes to find someone stumbling around the room, at first I think it is Em who had an interesting night and spoke of sleeping on the bean bag. Then I think it is our friend and neighbor Karly come to show me something. This person, or girl rather, then sits stumbles her way to sitting on my bed right next to me. It isn't until that point that I see this girl has her pants/panties pulled down.


"EXCUSE ME! YOU ARE ON MY BED!" "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"


5:17 a.m.- I begin to hear a strange trickling noise. HOLY SHIT! This strange girl is now peeing....on my bed! Right next to me!!! I am paralyzed by shock I cannot move, she is not listening to me, all I can do is...


"EM!?" "DO YOU HEAR THAT" "A RANDOM GIRL IS IN OUR ROOM" "SHE IS PEEING ON MY BED!!!!"

5:17:30 a.m- Em Jumps off of her bed in such quickness, the likes of which I have never expected from her. She runs up and stands in front of the girl (who has by now gotten off of my bed and pulled her pants up, at least she has that decency)


"HELLO?!" Em stares at her.
"Hi" Says this girl in a neanderthal-esque voice.
 Em suddenly takes a new tone now that she is finally responding "Sweetie, where are you supposed to be?"
No response.
I'm thinking that this girl may puke, why not she just pissed in here? So I quickly tell Em to please get this girl out of our room before she can do anymore damage. Em rushes to the door as the extremely disoriented girl stumbles about the room some more (stepping in her own urine and tracking it on the carpet). The door steps out through the open door way, and closes the door behind herself.


5:18 a.m.- As Em and I stare at each other in awe we see the same girl walk down the hall in a different direction that she left in. Em goes to follow her to make sure she is okay, but the girl walks out a door leading to the outside stairwell.


"Well thats what we get the one night we don't lock our door..." I say.
I begin to laugh frantically, in uncontrollable boughts of giggles.
"A girl just pissed on my bed...did that really just happen"
Honestly this all just felt like a really weird vivid bad dream. Nope, it really happened.


5:20 a.m- Em and I stare at the puddle below my bed, and the large damp spot on my sheet. For a second I think Em is going to cry. Then she looks at me and we both break into laughter. This is just too unbelievable for words.


"What do we do now?"


"She peed on my book!?"


"She peed on my computer/cord!!"


"She peed on my water bottle...Em you are getting me a new one"


Then in unison "SHE PEED ON THE CRASH MAT!" Damn. Thats low.


5:30 a.m.-We talked about maybe throwing down a shit ton of lysol wipes and throwing down a bunch of paper towels, but we decided that might take too long. We were left with the option of waking up our RA at 5:30 in morning. We love our RA to death so waking her up unexpectedly wasn't really our favorite idea, we decided to make sure that RA was in fact the one on duty.


5:50 a.m.-We figured out that our RA was the one to go to. We knocked oh her door until she answered, she was swollen with sleep.


"Uh Jay we had a...uh...incident a little while ago..."
"Yeah a chick pissed on her bed!!!"


6 a.m-Jay figured the only thing to do was wait till 7a.m. to call maintenance. Em and I thanked her and watched her go back to her room.


6:05 a.m.- Em and I hear a knock on the door...I'm expecting piss girl, but instead it's Jay. She inadvertently locked herself out when she came to see the damage.  


6:05-7:05- Em, Jay and I spend an hour laughing at our situation and the fact that it's 6am on a saturday morning.


7:05- We hear the jangling of keys, meaning one thing SOMEONE IS GOING TO CLEAN THE PEE OFF OF OUR FLOOR! 


8:00- There is no way to go to bed still because I still have to wash my sheets, so I sit and write this blog.


9:30 a.m.- I find the girl on Facebook and realize she is a sister of a girl Mel down the hall from us. We see Mel's roommate and inform her of the events of the night before (this is while emily is scrubbing the life out of our pee drenched carpet)


10:00 a.m.- The girl finds us and apologizes, she says she was sleep-walking and that she has a disorder. She seemed genuinely embarrassed about it.  All is well


Obviously this night will follow me for years to come. I'm sure Em will mention it at my wedding someday. Lovely.


Oh and on a side note- Bad things happen to me in threes, because after this incident I ran into a crush on mine and spilled milk all over myself. Later I was washing the dirty pee sheets and Kayla's college tour came through the laundry room...AKWARD!