Day 6 - Emily

I want to go back to college. Don't get me wrong. I really love being at my house. I love crawling into my own bed that is not 5 feet in the air. I love not showering with shoes on, I love having my mom and dad at arms length, and I love seeing my dog every morning. BUT I want to go back to college.

Why?

FIRST, BECAUSE EVERYONE HERE DOES NOT RESPECT MY SCHEDULE.

1. I prefer to sleep until I absolutely have to get up. Cleaning is NOT an excuse. Neither is a meal. I will get up for three reasons - A. Something bad is happening or I am in danger. B. Class. C. I feel like it.
Vacation is called vacation because your mind is supposed to be vacant. Hence, VACATION.

2. I Pee every day at 12:00 AM. I have announced that fact. Everyone knows that I pee at the same time every day. SO WHY is someone in the bathroom at midnight? I am literally sitting here trying not to piss myself. This has happened for the past 6 nights.

3. I do not want to come home at 11:00 pm. I do not want to come home at 11:15. I DO NOT WANT TO COME HOME AT 11:30. SO WHY WOULD I WANT TO COME HOME AT 11:45?
Please extend my curfew past my sister's bedtime?

SECOND, SHARING IS NOT CARING

1. I do not want to share my princess coloring book with you. I paid for it. It is mine. My vacation. My relaxing time. My money spent. My crayons. My coloring book. MY PRINCESSES.

2. It was my idea to get a venus fly trap, Therefore it is my venus fly trap. DO NOT use the word WE when refering to MY venus fly trap. I am going to take care of him, not YOU. I am going to feed him, not YOU. I looked up ways to care for him, not YOU.

THIRD, I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE: SILENCE IS A VIRTUE

1. Just don't talk. I do not need to hear all of your stories from the past 12 weeks. I do not need to hear your voice all the time. I do not need to know how many days there are till your birthday. I do not need to hear the same story you told yesterday, twenty more times.

2. I am not a morning person. DO NOT talk my ear off in the morning. I will then, in return, be an absolute BITCH!

3. If I am going on a quick errand somewhere, unless you are also getting something, PLEASE do not come with me. I obviously want to make it fast, and you will only slow me down.

Let's hope the next few weeks are easier than this past one.

Home - Emily

First off, this title is very confusing. Where is home? Is home my house? Is home my dorm room? Is nome a city? A state? Well... Home is none of these things. I think home is where your heart is, so I have about 100 homes around Ohio, my friends and family. So I guess I should re-title this post.


House


I am now with my family. In my house. And life is SO different. Here is the top 50 list of ways my house is COMPLETELY different:


50. There are toilet lids
49. I can sit on the toilet seat.
48. I have my own room - This means unlimited naked time. I don't have to worry about a roommate walking in on my naked time. (BTW- Naked time is just being naked. Not Doing anything...)
47. There are no 2:00 AM drunks
46. It is FREEZING IN THE HOUSE - despite the fact that our Air conditioner is always on in our dorm room, the house - where the heat is on - is colder.
45. I can shower without shoes on.
44. The bathroom here is probably more dirty than the one at the dorm
43. There is no water pressure here.
42. I have to make an effort to see my friends
41. I have to share here
40. THERE IS NO FOOD HERE!
39. There is one bathroom-- not one with stalls
38. I can bring my computer in the bathroom without people judging.
37. My bed is less than three - four feet off the ground
36. THERE ARE NO MOLDY BANANAS IN THE RECYCLING BIN! (BRI!)
35. I have to drive places.
34. My dog
33. I have to put pants on to walk to the bathroom here.
32. If someone is annoying here... I cant just walk away and lock my door. I have to sit t through the whole thing.
31. The internet is slower than a snail's thoughts here
30. No one is up at midnight
29. I actually have to make my bed and clean my room...
28. I have to share things
27. Youtube is faster
26. I don't have to walk up three flights of stairs to get to my room
25. I don't have to lock my room's door
24. I don't have to bring stuff to the bathroom
23. Everyone spends four hours in the bathroom - And I need to pee....
22. No one laughs at my stupid jokes
21. I cannot listen to "fuck you" Really loud
20. I cannot listen to any music really loud
19. I cannot swear
18. I cannot text as I eat
17. I don't need to sleep with my computer - I can just put it on the floor...
16. I have no bean bag to sit on
15. I still need to pee and I cant because there is only one bathroom and the alarm is on.
14. "hooking up" with people is SEVERELY frowned upon.
13. My hair is always a problem
12. I cannot talk to Bri before I go to bed.
11. I cannot talk Bri into turning off the light at night
10. I cannot talk Bri into doing anything
9. Bri is not here
8. PEOPLE INTERRUPT MY PEEING SCHEDULE! (I still need to pee... I still cant get in the bathroom.)
7. My bed is bigger (barely)
6. The room is bigger (barely)
5. My best friends are at their houses, that are far away
4. Running and screaming down the hallway is frowned upon
3. Skipping places is frowned upon
2. I can walk around in bare feet
AND LAST -
1. I barely have a chance to talk let alone tell great stories.

Dance Like It's The Last Night Of Your Life

It's taken me so long to write and I have muchto say but this post is first up because it happend a few weeks ago.

I remember the night I met Kayla. I was standing in my room in my sweats and up to no good. My. Amazing hallmates and I had been dying to have a dance party and set to have it in Em and my room on Saturday. It was only thursday but I was already preparing, giddy with anticipation of the exciting night. One of Emily and my really good friends Jenna was having Kayla stay the weekend to see campus. Let me start by saying Kayla is one of the most beautiful girls I've ever laid eyes on...and here I was in sweats and I probably hadn't showered yet that day...great. Jenna walked out of the room at one point and to my surprise I felt really nervous and excited around Kayla but I couldnt figure out why. The next day after classes we all went to jenna's basketball game. While sitting waiti g for the game I playfully asked my amazingly supportive friends if there were any cute girls on the team. Kayla acted like I had completely misspoken "you mean cute guys..." no I hadn't but I dropped the subject.

Meanwhile somepoint late in the night after a week of reconciling with Raymond he called to tell me he'd had a lapse in judgment and that he drank even when he promised he wouldn't he became very upset and took it out on me while I was trying to support him. He hung up on me and I spent the rest of the night sobbing sure he had committed suicide. Kayla who barely knew me heard my sobs and asked if I was okay and if I needed anything, I told her no and eventually found sleep

It was the night of the party and I had even invited a super cute guy I was crushing on, I dressed up really cute and all my friends helped set up the room. After Missy Elliot songs, glow brackets and a lot of failed toasting, several people became intoxicated...mainly Kayla. She came and kissed me on the cheek and yelled at me when I went to have a smoke(since I don't really drink) and when I came back she wanted to snuggle. This is dangerous I thought to myself...she is gorgeous sweet and utterly drunk. I tried to keep my distance but my arms shook as i held her in a friendly way. Suddenly my friend Jenna told me Kayla was bisexual and she wanted me. At first I was sure she was joking, but she wasn't. Someday somehow Kayla and I started to hook up. It was amazing I felt like we were thinking the same things I will spare details, but this girl was amazing: www stayed inseparable till around 4 in the morning when I sdly had to go to bed in my own room by myself. Kayla came back in the morning, we snuggled held hands and talked, her smile was contagious, my cheeks were hi hurrying. Kayla left that day but we talked on the phone everyday that week. There was something about Kayla that felt like she belonged in my life, I could see myself dating her, bringing her home to meet my family. She hasn't had an easy life, I wanted to show her she deserved one, that I would take care of her. I began to fall in love with her, every song reminded me of her ever laugh ever time I laid in my bed. Yet her heart belonged to someone else. She want able to be with the girl she loved to a lot of circumstances I still dont know or understand. I wanted her to be happy and realized this girl could make her happier than I could. She insisted she couldn't talk to the girl and that right how she really cared about me. Kayla is my first girl love. she makes me feel so good about myself and I can feel her care for me even through the phone...

Week 10 Rants - Emily

Now. Lets just do this... Because it was bound to happen....

I love my roommate very much. In fact, I will miss her a lot over the break. I will also feel very sad when she leaves on saturday. And I hope she remembers this as she reads this.... Please.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I'VE SEEN YOUR BUTT!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!?


The average daily count is probably five. A DAY. I'd prefer not to see your butt.

BUT! 



Dear loving neighbors,

Do you know how disgusting it is to listen to someone have sex through a wall? Do you understand how much my bed rocks. How much I can hear you, and how much I DETEST HEARING YOU BANG AT TWO IN THE MORNING!

I dont think you do.

Please stop.

Love,
Emily

Last Week - Emily

As our first quarter of school has slowly come to a stop, Bri and I are studying our brains out for finals. I am official member of AOPII, and closer to graduating and getting a job. I think I'm just going to highlight this week.... After the little road bump on Friday night/Saturday morning.... I am fine. Andrew and I talked and we are friends. We figured that what happened on Friday evening/Saturday morning was a mistake, never to happen again. It was a pleasant conversation, one that let me get my feelings back into check, and realize that this is just another reason why I am not good at relationships. And why I should stop trusting people too much.


I went over Al's on Monday evening and we enjoyed each others company.


Also on Monday, Tyler sent me a message. He basically apologized for whatever he did to Ellen and I. I am not really going into details about this because it is a large and incredibly grammatically challenged conversation. I basically said that I would not trust him right away, but he could eventually build my trust up again. 


I think I made a mistake.


Honestly, you all knew how crushed I was when I found out what Tyler was doing. I was very upset and I even cried. I am constantly embarrassed that I cried over him, because of what he did. I am afraid to give him another chance. I am terrified that he will take advantage of me again. I am worried. But I guess I am stronger than I was when I last trusted him. And I refuse to let him use me again.


This whole week has been pull a prank on Emily week.


This means that everyone comes into my dorm room and plays a cruel joke on me. The first day I found Panda in the microwave. First off, WHO PUTS A PIG IN THE MICROWAVE? Second off, DONT PUT MY STUFF IN THE MICROWAVE!


*Side note. I have a Panda stuffed animal that I received at the beginning of the school year and I named him Piggy. So when I was gifted with a pig a week ago, I logically named him Panda. No one else gets this logic. Some people are not very creative.*


The second day, as I was soundly sleeping, my lovely roommate and my neighbor went through my whole underwear drawer and pulled out all eight of my bras, and stuffed them in the freezer. I did not notice this. I did not hear them. I woke up stated that I was hungry, stared at my neighbor, turned, and returned to bed as the stuffed my bras into a freezer the size of a shoe box. I did not notice the fact that my collection of bras were sitting in our freezer until I returned from the market with groceries. I opened the freezer and stared at the collection of bras in the freezer. 


FML


I had to pull them all out and thaw them. UGH


Today is the third day.... I am rather afraid of what they are doing today. I hope I survive this week. I may never sleep again.

The Biggest Mistake of My Life - Emily

Right now I am laying in bed, waiting for my eminent demise. I have not slept in two days, I literally ate two bites of my favorite brunch food, and cannot get any of my group project (due tomorrow) done. I have been staring at my computer for the past ten minutes trying to figure out what to do. I have cried enough to sink the titanic, and every time I think I've run out of tears, I cry some more. I cannot close my eyes despite my exhaustion because every time I do, I think of him. I cannot listen to music because every time I do, I hear him sing. I cannot glance at my phone, think about sports, or snuggle in bed without thinking about him. And the biggest mistake I've ever made.


The first guy I met and had a school girl crush on at school was Andrew. Andrew was wild, crazy, different. I loved the way he spoke his mind and told jokes that were really only funny to me. One day, I found out how Andrew was different. He did not tell lies. He was more and more truthful every day. I guess I loved that about him. After wrestling and fake fighting for a while, he came clean. Andrew's past girlfriend cheated on him for no reason. 


I was horrified. Andrew was wonderful. Not only was he hilarious, but he was so down to Earth, so kind, and so respectful. He stated that he had no trust in girls because of her. And I believed him. I would not trust us either. I later wrote him a message saying that I was very sorry for his past, and that I would never hurt him intentionally. I left everything at friendship.


A few weeks later I invited Andrew to a date party thrown by my sorority. I specifically asked him as a friend because I knew that neither Aidan nor Al would be O.K. with going to a sorority party. Andrew and I raced each other to the busses, sat together, danced together, and talked all night long. As we were leaving the venue, I looked up at the sky and saw so many stars. They were beautiful. Once we got onto the bus and sat down, Andrew and I got as close to the window as possible and I stared wide eyed at the beautiful stars. As I took in all of the natural beauty, Andrew would point out all the stars and name them. At this point though my whole body was tingling from his touch, I stayed calm and did not dare to show my feelings. 


After we got off the bus, we went to a local fast food place, and then to a different dorm where we talked for a few hours with some of the girls that were at the party.  Andrew and I talked some more, started to fake fight again, and even played basketball with an empty cup and a garbage can. After we finished, we left. It was about 2 in the morning then.


When we got back, I went back to his room to watch silly youtube videos.  We wound up talking for two hours about nothing, and I tried like hell not to touch him, and not to tell him how I felt. At about 4 in the morning, he threw a pair of his cheerleading shorts at me, and we watched Anchor Man. 


During the movie, Andrew was tickling my skin. He did not try to seduce me, he did not try to kiss me on the lips, he just rubbed my skin where my shirt was not. As he softly breathed, he kissed me on the cheek before we both fell asleep. We woke up at about 1 in the afternoon, intertwined, and he stroked my cheek and hair. Before either of us said anything he kissed me on my forehead, and I smiled. I asked him only one thing that night, and only said one thing as he asked me the same question: "Why is this happening?" 


"I don't know, but this was not supposed to happen."


I left at around 1:30 PM. 


Later that day, I realized that my feelings for Andrew had returned, and no matter what, I could not get rid of them this time. Now, as I lay in bed for the second day in a row, crying, I believe I've made a mistake. I cannot turn back the time and fix what I've done. Though I wish I could. 


I feel like utter crap. I cannot eat, I cannot sleep, I cannot focus. All I can think about is talking to Andrew and dreading his responses to my simple questions. Though I know you do not read these things, Andrew, please, answer these two questions with pure honesty with no regards to my feelings shown above: 


Was that night really a mistake?
How do you feel?